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Or, you might hear something like this .....

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic       MICROSCOPIC COLITIS SUPPORT Forum Index -> Jeff Foxworthy Type Jokes
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tex
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: 24 May 2005

Posts: 29791
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 9:31 AM


Food Intolerances : Gluten, casein, soy, and avenin, (avenin is the prolamin in oats, which is equivalent to the gluten in wheat), beef, grapes, peanuts, cashews, almonds, (but nut butters seem OK except for peanuts), citric acid, chocolate, and agar.
Location: Central Texas

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2005 11:13 am    Post subject: Or, you might hear something like this ..... Reply with quote

If you're self conscious around other people, due to all the gurgling noises in your guts, which sound a lot like a partially choked up drain with a built-in amplifier,

You might have MC.


If you consider the word "prep" to be as disgusting as some of the other "four letter words",

You might have MC.


When someone asks you how you're doing , if your answer almost always includes a mention of the number of trips to the bathroom you make each hour, or each day,

You might have MC.


If you know more alternate names for the word "feces", than can be found in Webster's Unabridged Dictionary,

You might have MC.


If you can name every antidiarrheal medication on the market, and describe most of the side effects and restrictions for every one,

You might have MC.


If you sometimes feel so badly that you're barely able to drag yourself out of bed, but you can still get to the bathroom in three seconds flat,

You might have MC.


If the phrase, "fouling your own nest", has a particularly poignant significance for you,

You might have MC.


If your idea of a shopping spree, is to spend most of the afternoon stocking up on Lomotil, Depends, and toilet paper,

You might have MC.


If all your friends and relations have stopped asking what's wrong, every time you jump up and run out of the room,

You might have MC.


If your spouse has ever asked you what was in that suspicious looking plastic container next to the ice cream in the freezer, and you finally had to break down and admit that it was a stool sample, waiting to be shipped to a lab,

You might have MC.
_________________
cowboy

It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
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Gas Bag
Adélie Penguin
Adélie Penguin


Joined: 01 Aug 2009

Posts: 198
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 8:31 AM


Food Intolerances : None
Location: Washington State

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

All of these one-lines are so side splittingly funny. I just finally got to this part of the forum. Really Tex, they are just brilliant. Best laugh I've had in awhile. All of those posts in here, I won't comment on them all however.

If you do know "shi* from shinola", you might have MC.
_________________
Hypothyroid 06/01
LC 12/06

Dwell on the positive.
Happiness is a result of a decision to be happy.
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ant
Rockhopper Penguin
Rockhopper Penguin


Joined: 28 Jun 2009

Posts: 1676
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 11:31 PM


Food Intolerances : Gluten, Diary, Soy, Corn, Eggs, Peanuts and other legumes, nightshades (e.g. tomatoes and potatoes). DX Osteopenia. Suspect Celiac - Genes Type: DQ2/DQ8

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha, just saw these too Laughing good laugh!

Got me thinking....I was in a "designer" office building today and.....

If you avoid modern loos with automatic sensors, because when you get up they always flush your BM away before you can inspect it.

You might have MC
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Gas Bag
Adélie Penguin
Adélie Penguin


Joined: 01 Aug 2009

Posts: 198
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 8:31 AM


Food Intolerances : None
Location: Washington State

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ant wrote:
Ha, just saw these too Laughing good laugh!

Got me thinking....I was in a "designer" office building today and.....

If you avoid modern loos with automatic sensors, because when you get up they always flush your BM away before you can inspect it.

You might have MC
Haha, yeah that is all we have in our building, it does make poop inspection a bit difficult! A lot of our toilets have hair triggers, you can barely get the toilet seat liner down and get on the toilet before it flushes! And let's face it, alot of the time we don't have a minute to spare either!
_________________
Hypothyroid 06/01
LC 12/06

Dwell on the positive.
Happiness is a result of a decision to be happy.
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tex
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: 24 May 2005

Posts: 29791
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 9:31 AM


Food Intolerances : Gluten, casein, soy, and avenin, (avenin is the prolamin in oats, which is equivalent to the gluten in wheat), beef, grapes, peanuts, cashews, almonds, (but nut butters seem OK except for peanuts), citric acid, chocolate, and agar.
Location: Central Texas

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing thumbs up

Mr. Foxworthy would surely be proud of both of you, as joke writers.

Tex
_________________
cowboy

It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
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JLH
King Penguin
King Penguin


Joined: 17 Jun 2008

Posts: 4268
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 9:31 AM


Food Intolerances : gluten, casein, soy, eggs, yeast; 3+ rice, chicken, corn, almond; 2+ tuna. oat, beef, cashew; 1+ white potato, walnut

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing , I'm glad this post was resurrected. Too funny as are the ones after.
_________________
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and don't play one on TV.

LDN July 18, 2014

Joan
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JLH
King Penguin
King Penguin


Joined: 17 Jun 2008

Posts: 4268
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 9:31 AM


Food Intolerances : gluten, casein, soy, eggs, yeast; 3+ rice, chicken, corn, almond; 2+ tuna. oat, beef, cashew; 1+ white potato, walnut

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:20 pm    Post subject: Deb Reply with quote

Tear the flap out and you won't have that problem.
_________________
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and don't play one on TV.

LDN July 18, 2014

Joan
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Gas Bag
Adélie Penguin
Adélie Penguin


Joined: 01 Aug 2009

Posts: 198
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 8:31 AM


Food Intolerances : None
Location: Washington State

PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you have alternate routes mapped out to the various restrooms in your office, you might have MC.

Deb

Thanks Tex, your's are hysterical!
_________________
Hypothyroid 06/01
LC 12/06

Dwell on the positive.
Happiness is a result of a decision to be happy.
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Kate0129
Little Blue Penguin
Little Blue Penguin
unknown IP

Joined: 01 Sep 2015

Posts: 39
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 9:31 AM


Food Intolerances : Dairy, Fruit, Vegetables, Onions, Spicy.
Location: North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love it!!!

If, when you used to work, you would go up 3 flights of stairs, all the while squeezing your butt cheeks together, praying you would get there in time before crapping your pants, you might just have MC!
_________________
I'm Still Chasing The Original High
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jlbattin
Rockhopper Penguin
Rockhopper Penguin


Joined: 30 Jun 2015

Posts: 515
User's local time:
2017 Mar 25 - 9:31 AM


Food Intolerances : gluten, soy, dairy, egg, green beans, olive oil, raw nuts, and probably more but I'm still discovering
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 11:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Too funny! I really laughed over this one:

Quote:
If your spouse has ever asked you what was in that suspicious looking plastic container next to the ice cream in the freezer, and you finally had to break down and admit that it was a stool sample, waiting to be shipped to a lab,

You might have MC.


I wish you could have seen his face! His response, "You didn't have to tell me that!" To which I responded with, "Well, you asked!" LOL!
_________________
Jari


Diagnosed with Collagenous Colitis, June 29th, 2015
Gluten free, Soy free, Dairy free, and Egg free since July 3rd, 2015
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