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Joke -- ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE

 
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MBombardier
Rockhopper Penguin
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Joined: 14 Oct 2010

Posts: 1524
User's local time:
2017 Sep 26 - 6:25 AM


Food Intolerances : Grains, dairy, legumes (especially soy), and eggs. Avoiding nightshades, cruciferous veggies, and high-histamine foods.
Location: Vancouver, WA

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 10:04 am    Post subject: Joke -- ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE Reply with quote

Due to the international flavor of the forum, I thought many might appreciate this humor from John Cleese of Monty Python fame.

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE:

BY JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and the announcement of the death of Osama bin Laden, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security
levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The
English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer (of Monty Python fame), actor and tall person

Very Happy
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Marliss Bombardier

Dum spiro, spero -- While I breathe, I hope

Psoriasis - the dark ages
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - Dec 2001
Collagenous Colitis - Sept 2010
Granuloma Annulare - June 2011
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JLH
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Posts: 4276
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Food Intolerances : gluten, casein, soy, eggs, yeast; 3+ rice, chicken, corn, almond; 2+ tuna. oat, beef, cashew; 1+ white potato, walnut

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and don't play one on TV.

LDN July 18, 2014

Joan
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harma
Rockhopper Penguin
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Joined: 04 Oct 2009

Posts: 984
User's local time:
2017 Sep 26 - 4:25 PM


Food Intolerances : lactose, caseine, soy, gluten, yeast, probalby egg (enterolab testing) also problems digesting corn, mushrooms, pepers.
Location: amman

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

fam29 fam29 fam29
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"As the sense of identity shifts from the imaginary person to your real being as presence awareness, the life of suffering dissolves like mist before the rising sun"
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tex
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: 24 May 2005

Posts: 30500
User's local time:
2017 Sep 26 - 8:25 AM


Food Intolerances : Gluten, casein, soy, and avenin, (avenin is the prolamin in oats, which is equivalent to the gluten in wheat), beef, grapes, peanuts, cashews, almonds, (but nut butters seem OK except for peanuts), citric acid, chocolate, and agar.
Location: Central Texas

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ROFL

Awesome! John Cleese is absolutely the best! His subtle, yet raucous humor is without peer, IMO.

It's been a long time since I've laughed this hard. Laughing

Tex
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cowboy

It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
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starfire
Moderator
Moderator


Joined: 25 May 2005

Posts: 5155
User's local time:
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Food Intolerances : Gluten, Soy
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I copied, pasted and sent it on. Very Happy
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When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"
-- Winston Churchill
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harma
Rockhopper Penguin
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Joined: 04 Oct 2009

Posts: 984
User's local time:
2017 Sep 26 - 4:25 PM


Food Intolerances : lactose, caseine, soy, gluten, yeast, probalby egg (enterolab testing) also problems digesting corn, mushrooms, pepers.
Location: amman

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I will do the same
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"As the sense of identity shifts from the imaginary person to your real being as presence awareness, the life of suffering dissolves like mist before the rising sun"
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natythingycolbery
Rockhopper Penguin
Rockhopper Penguin


Joined: 31 Aug 2010

Posts: 590
User's local time:
2017 Sep 26 - 3:25 PM


Food Intolerances : Oats, Cows Milk, Wheat, Acai Berry, Anise Seed, Beetroot, Gluten , Grape (Pinot Gris/Grigio), Hemp, Lime, Melon Mix, Orange, Yeast, Barley/Malt Mix, Grape (Chardonnay, Chenin Blanc, Zinfandel Mix, Sauvignon) Lemon, Lychee, Potato and Rooiboss
Location: York, United Kingdom

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 5:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing

Yes, we english are like that!
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'The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.' Horace Bushnell

Diagnosed with MC (LC) Aug 2010
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MBombardier
Rockhopper Penguin
Rockhopper Penguin


Joined: 14 Oct 2010

Posts: 1524
User's local time:
2017 Sep 26 - 6:25 AM


Food Intolerances : Grains, dairy, legumes (especially soy), and eggs. Avoiding nightshades, cruciferous veggies, and high-histamine foods.
Location: Vancouver, WA

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad you all liked it (especially you, Tex)! Very Happy Laughter is the best medicine. Wink
_________________
Marliss Bombardier

Dum spiro, spero -- While I breathe, I hope

Psoriasis - the dark ages
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - Dec 2001
Collagenous Colitis - Sept 2010
Granuloma Annulare - June 2011
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ant
Rockhopper Penguin
Rockhopper Penguin


Joined: 28 Jun 2009

Posts: 1676
User's local time:
2017 Sep 26 - 10:25 PM


Food Intolerances : Gluten, Diary, Soy, Corn, Eggs, Peanuts and other legumes, nightshades (e.g. tomatoes and potatoes). DX Osteopenia. Suspect Celiac - Genes Type: DQ2/DQ8

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bouncing with joy bouncing with joy
good one, ant
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